The beginning

I am one of many. Many women all over the world who are overweight and have no idea how it got this bad. Except we do. We did it to ourselves. We eat badly when we're sad, we eat badly when we're bored, we eat badly when we're in a rush, we eat badly when we can't be bothered. We choose to sit on the couch and watch tv instead of going for a walk. I get it. That's me I'm describing. But hopefully this blog can help me (and perhaps others) to stop this habitual bad eating and start being the person I am inside, the person I want to be proud of.

The aim of this blog is not to blame myself for what I have done wrong (because I will do wrong, trust me) but to keep an honest account of my day to day so that I know what went wrong and more importantly, what went right. I hope to inspire myself to do better. So why am I blogging about this instead of writing a journal like any normal person? Because I feel I need others to hear it. I was raised Catholic and part of being Catholic is going to confession. Scary for most people I know. A while ago a priest told me to start looking at confession in a different way; don't think of it as something to be guilty about and worry about what the priest thinks of you (they have always heard worse) but instead think of it as an opportunity to admit to yourself (and of course God) they mistakes you have made in the hopes that you will learn from them and have less to confess next time as you strive to be a better person. The bit of that that really makes in impression on me is that I have to admit my faults to the priest as witness. This brings home my mistakes and inspires me to do better far more than just admitting them to myself in my head. So I am applying the same principle to my weight loss journey. Knowing someone may read this will have a bigger impression on me than hiding my mistakes away in a journal no one will ever see.

So some back story honesty. I have been overweight since I was about 15. This was mostly due to not doing any sport but compounded by not eating correctly portioned food and eating junk when it was available, I have a MASSIVE sweet tooth. I have progressively got heavier over time and I am now 116kg and a size 18-22 (my ass is particularly impressive).

I have been this weight for about three years now and want to get fit, be an acceptable clothing size and maybe even get myself a guy and have a couple of kids. Way to aim high Missy! It may sound silly to some but my lack of a boyfriend does directly correlate to my weight. I swing between feeling unworthy of a guy to love me and not being interested in those guys that have shown a little interest. This is about honesty so I am going to say it even if its not socially acceptable. I want a guy that I want to rip the clothes off of! And I want him to feel the same about me. I'm not saying I need some male model, not at all, I just want someone I am attracted to and that I truly believe is attracted to me. I believe that being a smaller size may make it easier to find my guy, my other half. That's some raw honesty there, we're often told its what's on the inside that counts (and it definitely does) but the package its in is what makes the first impression.

Ok, enough lonely sob story. What have I eaten today? Have  exercised today?

Well the answer to the first one is better than the answer to the second, but probably not by much. I've had a prima sized chocolate Big M, a low-fat tub of yogurt, a medium sized bowl of chicken and corn soup (homemade), a sandwich of grilled Portuguese chicken (home cooked), cucumber and baby spinach on soy and linseed bread, a small can of diet coke, 4 small solid Easter eggs, a can of Pepsi max and dinner was a small serving of roasted lamb, roasted potatoes (1 total), a piece of roasted sweet potato, carrots and a cauliflower and broccoli mix with white sauce.

Crap, that is a lot when you put it all down. So the things I shouldn't have eaten today? The chocolate milk (next time low fat plain milk), the sandwich (the soup was enough), the chocolate eggs, the white sauce, half the potato. What should I have had today that I didn't? 2L of water and some fruit. I've got to work on that tomorrow.

So to the exercise. I didn't. Only the walking I did to the various areas of my workplace could be considered exercise and I really didn't work up a sweat. Tomorrow? A walk after work. I will be trying to add a walk in before work soon but I have to be at work super early tomorrow so it ain't gonna happen.

~Missy