Two thumbs up

I know its early days and its probably the adrenaline talking but I am loving my decision to change my habits. I'm at the end of the first full day and while I haven't stuck strictly to healthy foods (I'll tell you later), I am still feeling really positive about this.

Part of the reason I am feeling so good about it is something that happened to me this afternoon. I had one of those moments where you know that someone up above is giving you two thumbs up for your decision. Out of the blue my boss dropped past my desk this afternoon and asked me if I wanted a spare copy of this great recipe she had photocopied. Now usually when we swap recipes it includes; chocolate, cake, butter, caramel, chocolate and occasionally peanut butter. But today's recipe was from Michelle Bridges' (Biggest Loser trainer) cookbook. A super healthy lentil shepherds pie. I had been wondering what to cook for dinner that wasn't unhealthy and bam, I got an answer and support. I know I'm on the right track. No one at work or even my family know about my decision or my blog because its not something I want to advertise, it's something I am doing purely for myself. Plus I have one of those huge, (lovingly) nosey, (lovingly) gossipy families and I would never hear the end of it if I had some ice cream. They are truly wonderful but sometimes their ignorance is my bliss. So to get back to the point; the recipe was not prompted in any way and it really made my day. Small things count.

So how did I go today? Not perfect (never will be) but better than yesterday. I had 2L water (yay!), a pear, a plum, a tub of low fat yogurt, a thumb sized piece of baklava, a sandwich made from soy and linseed bread, marg, baby spinach, cucumber and grilled Portuguese chicken breast (home cooked), a small can of diet coke, 4 small solid Easter eggs, a stick of sharp tasty cheese, a can of Pepsi max and the lentil shepherds pie (vegetarian).

So the bad stuff from today is pretty obvious; baklava and Easter eggs. I have to say that I don't regret either of them (the baklava was amazing!) but I think that I want to try cutting down to less eggs for my 'get through the last hour of work' sugar hit. Or no eggs... but I'm a realist and an opportunist; eggs are only for Easter and everyone knows chocolate tastes better shaped like an egg, how could I resist? Oh no, I've just remembered hot cross buns are available! I'm sure you will be seeing them pop up in a future post.

So did you get off your ass and walk like you said you would? I hear you ask. I did! I dragged my mum along for company which meant I went a bit slower than I could have (she has a bad knee) but I still got a bit puffed and hot so I think it did something. I also downloaded the Couch to 5K app today and I hopefully will try it soon. Its going to hurt; I live in a hilly area and everyone knows that:

hills + running = pain!

Oh well.

I have a new dot point for my plan.

•  I must wait at least an hour after dinner to know if I'm actually still hungry before having a (healthy) snack

This new point was prompted my tonight's dinner. It was really tasty and looked like a good size in the bowl but I finished and thought 'where's the rest?'. I think this is partly to do with a smaller portion size but mostly because there wasn't much protein (or carbohydrate) in the meal which is what makes you feel full. So I'm writing this while wanting to raid the pantry but I will resist! At least for an hour... hopefully my tummy figures out its been fed.

Oh, and drinking 2L of water? The first massive downside of this plan. I have to pee ALL the time! I feel like a pregnant woman or something. Hopefully this is only temporary.

~Missy

Update: After writing this post I caved and had a snack. A snack box of dried apple and sultanas which is ok. Then my lovely mother decided to give me two of those mini cinnamon rolls you get from the Ikea grocery store. I couldn't say no and they were pretty yum. And yes I am way too old to be living at home, its temporary while I am saving for a house or until I realise I will never afford a house and go rent again.

The morning after

Despite the disgustingly early hour that I had to wake up today (I am NOT a morning person), I was really looking forward to eating right and doing a bit of exercise. Its now two hours later, I'm at work and thanks to some other people, I still haven't been able to do what I came in early for. I could have slept another hour! Ahem, sorry, I digress.

So I have been thinking about this process and how I will go about it. I want to basically start new eating habits and stop the old negative ones. So this means that detoxes, really limiting diets etc are out. I want to start something that I can maintain.

So my plan is:

• Everything in moderation
• Smaller servings - I will be trying out using a smaller plate, apparently this helps
• Regular exercise - walking/running (has anyone tried couch to 5k? I'm looking into it) and a weekly Zumba class
• Always choose the lighter option
• No bad snacking after dinner

Its a pretty basic way of going about it but that's the way I want it. Too many rules means I will be forever feeling guilty about breaking them and I'll give up. Instead I want to admit when I've done wrong and try to do better next time.

Time to get to it.

~Missy

Banned list

A friend of mine has something called a banned list. This is a list of foods she can't buy for herself. She can eat these foods (in moderation) if they are provided by others like at a party but she is not allowed to purchase them herself. Its pretty clever really. So I am starting a banned list, most of my weaknesses will go on the list and hopefully I can stop myself from buying them. I may update this list along the way and I will admit when I caved in.

The Banned List

• Peanut m&m's - I love them like a mother loves a tasty chocolate and peanut filled child
• Donuts
• Flavoured chips
• Tim tams - this one is going to be so hard, they are the best biscuits in the world
• Full strength Coke
• Take away food (I'm giving this up for lent but I'd like to keep it going)
• Full strength Big M
• Salami
• Cake of any kind
• Family sized chocolate blocks
• Popcorn at the cinema

Ok, this is almost making me want to go out and eat everything on my banned list so I'll stop it there.

~Missy

The beginning

I am one of many. Many women all over the world who are overweight and have no idea how it got this bad. Except we do. We did it to ourselves. We eat badly when we're sad, we eat badly when we're bored, we eat badly when we're in a rush, we eat badly when we can't be bothered. We choose to sit on the couch and watch tv instead of going for a walk. I get it. That's me I'm describing. But hopefully this blog can help me (and perhaps others) to stop this habitual bad eating and start being the person I am inside, the person I want to be proud of.

The aim of this blog is not to blame myself for what I have done wrong (because I will do wrong, trust me) but to keep an honest account of my day to day so that I know what went wrong and more importantly, what went right. I hope to inspire myself to do better. So why am I blogging about this instead of writing a journal like any normal person? Because I feel I need others to hear it. I was raised Catholic and part of being Catholic is going to confession. Scary for most people I know. A while ago a priest told me to start looking at confession in a different way; don't think of it as something to be guilty about and worry about what the priest thinks of you (they have always heard worse) but instead think of it as an opportunity to admit to yourself (and of course God) they mistakes you have made in the hopes that you will learn from them and have less to confess next time as you strive to be a better person. The bit of that that really makes in impression on me is that I have to admit my faults to the priest as witness. This brings home my mistakes and inspires me to do better far more than just admitting them to myself in my head. So I am applying the same principle to my weight loss journey. Knowing someone may read this will have a bigger impression on me than hiding my mistakes away in a journal no one will ever see.

So some back story honesty. I have been overweight since I was about 15. This was mostly due to not doing any sport but compounded by not eating correctly portioned food and eating junk when it was available, I have a MASSIVE sweet tooth. I have progressively got heavier over time and I am now 116kg and a size 18-22 (my ass is particularly impressive).

I have been this weight for about three years now and want to get fit, be an acceptable clothing size and maybe even get myself a guy and have a couple of kids. Way to aim high Missy! It may sound silly to some but my lack of a boyfriend does directly correlate to my weight. I swing between feeling unworthy of a guy to love me and not being interested in those guys that have shown a little interest. This is about honesty so I am going to say it even if its not socially acceptable. I want a guy that I want to rip the clothes off of! And I want him to feel the same about me. I'm not saying I need some male model, not at all, I just want someone I am attracted to and that I truly believe is attracted to me. I believe that being a smaller size may make it easier to find my guy, my other half. That's some raw honesty there, we're often told its what's on the inside that counts (and it definitely does) but the package its in is what makes the first impression.

Ok, enough lonely sob story. What have I eaten today? Have  exercised today?

Well the answer to the first one is better than the answer to the second, but probably not by much. I've had a prima sized chocolate Big M, a low-fat tub of yogurt, a medium sized bowl of chicken and corn soup (homemade), a sandwich of grilled Portuguese chicken (home cooked), cucumber and baby spinach on soy and linseed bread, a small can of diet coke, 4 small solid Easter eggs, a can of Pepsi max and dinner was a small serving of roasted lamb, roasted potatoes (1 total), a piece of roasted sweet potato, carrots and a cauliflower and broccoli mix with white sauce.

Crap, that is a lot when you put it all down. So the things I shouldn't have eaten today? The chocolate milk (next time low fat plain milk), the sandwich (the soup was enough), the chocolate eggs, the white sauce, half the potato. What should I have had today that I didn't? 2L of water and some fruit. I've got to work on that tomorrow.

So to the exercise. I didn't. Only the walking I did to the various areas of my workplace could be considered exercise and I really didn't work up a sweat. Tomorrow? A walk after work. I will be trying to add a walk in before work soon but I have to be at work super early tomorrow so it ain't gonna happen.

~Missy